My words on stuff

Leaving Louisville

After some serious packing, moving, cleaning, getting tired, and all sorts of frustration, I finally left the train wreck in my life that was Louisville. That’s not to say all of it was a train wreck, just most of the cars were violently destroyed, pissed on, re-ignited with gas and matches, then shat upon.

In simpler terms: Louisville was a giant fucking waste of time, effort, money, emotions, and tears and I’m happy as fuck to be out of there. I mostly like the city and many of the food spots, but other than that, I despise a lot of the people and experiences I had there. I did a lot of growing up because I had to and I realized just how horrible people are, but I wish that many of those life lessons had come over a longer period of time instead of basically a year and a half.

From the shitty experience in their disorganized and poorly led housing office, to the lack of chances to get experience in another area I liked, to the disorganization in the program, I hate everything about that school and I was at the lowest point of my life as a result.

All of this is without me even mentioning the mild bout of depression that I felt when I lost my dear friend and brother Ken to himself. Everything that went wrong could have been slightly better had I had someone to actually talk to and support me instead of the lack of concern shown to me by my superiors and other folks at the school.

I wish I had quit while I was ahead. The three strike rule should have applied and would have applied early on had I just seen the signs. But here I am now, glad to be away from that shitshow, happy to be back in Chicago, but unsure of my next move. It’ll be a matter of time before my dad gets on my case, so I need to get moving ASAP.

Give me strength…….

Weddings and “Gay” Weddings.

On Saturday, May 5th, I was not at the Kentucky Derby. I was not celebrating Cinco de Mayo, I was at a wedding in Cincinnati of one of my very closest friends, a guy who has the utmost respect from me. His bride is also an amazing person and quite frankly, they are perfect for each other.

The wedding and reception were nice, both held at an older church in the Norwood area. It was a sunny and humid day, but it was still nice enough that it wasn’t completely unbearable to be inside a building that lacked A/C.

The best part of the day came when I arrived at the church about 20 minutes before everything started. I walked in, signed the guest book/frame and talked with some of my friends who were ushers. They said, “Hey, did you know your name is in the program?”. Wait, what????!?!?!?!? “Yeah, you’re an usher with us!” And here I was, under-dressed in khakis and a celery green dress shirt/tie while the other dude had a full suit on. I felt a little foolish, especially when I had to unroll the runner that didn’t want to be un-run, but in the end, the bride and groom were both happy with me being there and helping out, so that’s all that mattered.

I needed this wedding for so many reasons. It seems like all I’ve dealt with in the past two years is sadness, funerals, frustration, and bitterness. But on Saturday, all of that went away. I was happy, even if for a few hours. I was happy to be celebrating with two people who loved each other and cared about each other. I was grateful to have been invited to the event. I was relieved that I wasn’t pissing away money on the Derby lol. I just felt good and it was great to be around friends who shared the joy and love as well.

With that being said, I find it disappointing that “gay” marriage is still a big deal. I use the “gay” in quotes because I don’t see how that kind of adjective should affect a marriage at all. Weddings are a gathering of a committed couple who are sharing their love for each other and with the attendees. As guests at said wedding, they are there to be witnesses to the union and offer their support and blessings (and their gifts lol). But regardless of who it is that’s getting married, it should be about love, commitment, and sharing all of that with family and friends. And if nothing else, same-sex couples should have just as much of a right to eventually be as miserable as straight couples.

So as far as I can tell, what is really the difference between the types of weddings with different couples? What’s wrong with love? I mean really, it’s bad enough that it’s lacking as is, but to deny it to people who actually care about each other is just wrong. Therefore, as a straight male, I am coming out as an ally for this issue.

I fucked up

And I fully admit that. Just gotta own up to it soon